Delusional Thoughts vs. Reality

Delusional Thought #1 of the day....I will go straight from work to the gym and make the elliptical my bitch for 45 minutes. 

 Reality...My school will go on lockdown for a half hour after my usual work time, I will get to the gym late, there will be no parking, the only machine left is the recumbent stationary bike, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THE OLD LADIES USE.

Delusional Thought #2 of the day...I had to have lost like 10 pounds by now, between running, eating right, and all that good shit.  

Reality...Ah, one pound down since last week.  Awesome. 

Delusional Thought #3 of the day...I am going to drink a gallon of water at work today.

Reality...I really fucking hate drinking water.

And finally...

SEMI-Delusional Thought of the day...I am going to run a 10K in July and a Half Marathon in August.

Reality...I have a TON of work to do.

So.  Eventful day.  Allow me to lament about the gym.  In fact, since I like making lists, let's do this:

WHY RUNNING OUTSIDE IS 1,005 TIMES BETTER THAN GOING TO THE GYM

• You do not have to wait for a machine only to get stuck on the crappy recumbent bike with the sketchy seat and two channels on the TV (white people problems?)
• You (typically) will not see any naked people.  Especially in close proximity, hopefully. 
• If you want to get away from someone, you run faster.  Doesn't work on the treadmill.
• The temperature typically varies from 110 degrees Fahrenheit. 
• You do not smell people outside.  Dog poop, briefly, maybe, but you can get AWAY FROM THE SMELL.
• You don't feel like a hamster.
• You don't have to look for parking.  
• You don't feel like you just caught a few diseases from touching the heart rate monitor. 
• You can look around without having the paranoid and self-conscious think you're judging them (I can see you turned the level down before you started speeding up, and I DON'T CARE).
• YOU DO NOT SEE NAKED PEOPLE.  ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL.  
• Yeah, locker rooms are friggin' gross. The End.

 And to end my post, let me tell you, my friends and I plan on doing the Run for your Lives zombie themed 5K obstacle course in Maryland in October.  Do you know that it is $75 to register, $20 a PERSON to camp overnight (and you can't bring your own food/beverages, the event organizers will provide that for you TO BUY), all for me to cry and probably run the fastest 3 miles of my life (I'm scared of haunted houses/horror movies/people chasing or touching me)...and do what? Oh, GET A MEDAL.  Hopefully before the heart attack/nervous breakdown.  And they better have some beer.

Worth it? Probably not.  But how else will I get my wall of greatness going?